We all know that relationships can be challenging, especially when life gets busy and we struggle to find time for our loved ones. As we gear up for a new year, it's the perfect time to reflect on the past twelve months and think about what we want to achieve in the next one. For those who are feeling disconnected from their partner, it might be time to reassess and make some changes. This blog post will explore some ways you can give yourself time to reflect on 2023 and reconnect with your spouse in 2024.

Let's start with some probing questions to ask yourself. What was your biggest disappointment of 2023? What was your biggest accomplishment? Are you happy with the state of your relationship and your communication with your partner? If not, what can you do to change that? These questions may be difficult to answer, but they're essential for your growth. Be honest with yourself and take the time to really reflect on your answers.

It's easy to blame our partners for the state of our relationships, but it's important to remember that it takes two to tango. If you're feeling disconnected, it's likely that your spouse is feeling the same way. Instead of pointing fingers, sit down together and have an honest conversation about how you're both feeling. Make a commitment to working together to improve your relationship in 2024.

If you're struggling to find the time to spend with your partner, it's time to reassess your priorities. Are you dedicating too much time to work or other commitments? Is there a way you can delegate some of these tasks to give yourself more free time? Remember, quality time is crucial for a healthy relationship. Set aside some time each week to do something together, whether it's going for a walk, cooking a meal together, or watching a movie.

If you're feeling stuck in the same arguments or patterns of behaviour, it's time to shake things up. Try something new together, whether it's taking a dance class, going on a weekend getaway, or trying a new hobby. Stepping outside of your comfort zone can help you both grow and learn more about each other.

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1. Focus on what YOU can change. not how you want your partner to change. Waiting for your partner to change will only leave you feeling frustrated and helpless. Take this time to consider what YOU bring to your relationship and your own personal growth. It is inevitable that your partner will be affected by the changes that you make.

2. Listen first, then talk. How often do you interrupt with defensive explanations or advice? People will listen more when they feel listened too. Notice how you begin to feel more connected and listened to when it’s your turn to share.

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3. Focus on the good stuff. Where focus goes energy flows. No one is perfect, whether you focus on their admirable qualities or their faults will have a huge impact on your relationship. Let’s say you view your partner as 90% admirable and 10% faults. If you only focus on their faults, that 10% gets 100% of your attention which is devastating you any relationship. Instead, focus on the good stuff, verbalise your appreciation every day. Before long you will see the impact relationship and what they notice about you too.

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‍4. Redefine what it means to be in a happy relationship. We all had this fairy tale image of what marriage and family life would be like. And then there is the reality. The good news is that you can have most of what you imagined if you shift your mindset and think about what it is that you really need and what actions you can take to make a mental shift. We would all be a lot happier if we acknowledged that the only person who can ever really make us happy is us!

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5. Know their love language. Do you know your partners preferred way of expressing and receiving love? There are five love languages and unless you know your own and each other’s it can be difficult to consistently meet each other’s expectations and needs for love. You can find out more about the 5 love languages and take the test here.

6. It’s the little things that count. Simple things such as receiving a loving greeting, or offering a cup of tea without having to ask to make a huge difference to how appreciated we feel.  Make a commitment to do “little things” every day to show your appreciation to your partner and keep the sparks alive.

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7. Couples meetings. Set aside time each week for a couples meeting. Inordinately I would suggest doing this outside the home on neutral ground, perhaps the garden or a walk if that is possible. Start the meeting with appreciations, next brainstorm solutions to items on the agenda, choose a solution to try it for the week. End each meeting by doing something fun together. It helps to have a list of things you both want to do prepared that you can add to and tick off.

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8. You are still a couple despite having kids. Schedule time for the two of you and make sure it happens. What did you do when you first met that you have stopped doing since having kids? Be imaginative! When spending special time, talk about your interests instead of focusing on the family. Transforming your relationship is one of the most meaningful things you can do for your child and it can have a huge impact on their quality of life as well as your own. So, don’t feel guilty for taking time out for yourselves as a couple.

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9. Give each other space. None of us has been in this situation before, we all need our own time and space to switch off, deal with our own stuff or just be. Relationships need balance. Spending time as a family, a couple but also as individuals. Respect each other need to do individual activities and make time for it without resentment.

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Finally, if you're struggling to reconnect with your partner, it might be time to seek professional help. The Balanced Relationship Course is an excellent resource for couples who want to reconnect and elevate their relationship in 2024. It is packed full of exercises, strategies and rituals to take you through step by step at your own pace. Joining the Kin Membership can also provide a supportive community of like-minded individuals who can offer advice and support.

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Reflecting on 2023 can be a powerful tool for growth and improvement. If you're feeling disconnected from your partner, take the time to reflect on your relationship and consider making some changes in 2024. Remember to be honest with yourself and your partner, prioritize quality time together, try new things, and seek help if needed. With persistence and effort, you can improve your relationship and build a stronger, healthier future together.

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Get in touch if you need any help.

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I wish you both a happy and fulfilling 2024!

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Nichole x