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With three out of four divorcees getting married again, it's pretty clear that despite all the challenges of marriage and divorce, the desire to love and be loved remains constant. It pushes us to find someone to share our lives with. But let's face it, it's not always easy, especially when we're carrying emotional baggage – and let's be real, we all have some.

As someone who's been through a divorce and found love again, I know firsthand how tough and rewarding this journey can be. In this blog, I want to share the lessons I've learned and the steps I've taken to make sure I have a successful second chance. After my six-year marriage ended, I spent three years focusing on myself and growing as a person before crossing paths with my now-husband, Ben. And today, we're happily married with two kids. We're not perfect, and we never claimed to be, but we're committed to working on our relationship. The lessons I learned along the way have been vital in making my marriage with Ben thrive.

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So here's what I discovered:

1. Take time to heal and learn from your mistakes

The first step to finding happiness the second time around is to heal, learn, and take responsibility for what went wrong in your previous marriage. That means forgiving your ex and yourself, facing parts of your character you may not like, and letting go of any lingering anger, resentment, or grief. When I first left my ex, I blamed him entirely for our failed marriage. I carried a lot of resentment towards him. But with time and distance, I gained perspective and realised my own role in our relationship's downfall. I definitely recommend seeking help from a coach, therapist, or support groups (ones that provide genuine support, not just angry rants on social media). Self-help books and other resources can also be helpful in this healing process. Ultimately, it's up to you to commit to your own growth and embrace the journey towards a better future.

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2. Rediscover who you are now

The next step is rediscovering who you are as a single person. When you've been in a long-term relationship, it's easy to lose sight of your own identity and needs. Take some time to explore your interests, passions, values, and goals. Think about what makes you happy, fulfilled, and inspired. Reconnect with old friends, try new hobbies, travel to new places, and embrace new experiences. After my breakup, I decided to take off to Australia for a whole month. Let me tell you, it was a life-changing journey! I got the chance to reconnect with myself and discover hidden parts of who I am. And guess what? I even tried skydiving, which I totally recommend. I'm not saying you have to jump out of a plane to find yourself the point is, stepping out of your comfort zone and exploring new things has this amazing power to transform you.

So go ahead, embrace the unknown and broaden your horizons! The more you know and love yourself, the more attractive and confident you'll be to potential partners.

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3. Learn how to meet your own needs

Another important step is learning to meet your own needs and take care of yourself. No one else can do this for you, no matter how loving and supportive they may be. Whether you need alone time, social time, self-care, or adventure, make sure you prioritize your well-being and happiness. By taking care of yourself first, you'll be able to show up as a whole and happy person in your relationships and not rely on someone else to complete you.

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4. Write a list of your ideal partner and become them

Once you've done the inner work, it's time to envision and attract the kind of relationship and partner you truly desire. Be clear and specific about what you want and don't want, and focus on the qualities, values, and traits that matter most to you. But remember, you also have to become the kind of person who attracts and deserves this kind of relationship and partner. That means working on yourself, healing, and improving, and embodying the qualities and values you seek in a partner.

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5. Go all in and be vulnerable

Lastly, when you do find someone who matches your vision and values, be willing to be vulnerable and go all in. Love and intimacy require trust, openness, and taking emotional risks. So be prepared to take some leaps of faith and show your true self to your partner. Only by giving your all and being fully committed can you create a life and relationship you truly love

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Getting it right the second time around after a divorce requires a lot of inner work, healing, and growth. But by taking these steps and prioritising your well-being and happiness, you can attract a partner who shares your vision and values, and create a loving and fulfilling relationship. Remember that you deserve love and happiness, regardless of your past experiences, and that the journey to finding love again can be one of the most rewarding and transformative experiences of your life.

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